you belong with me ♥

results kills.i wonder?
lots of things have been happening lately
results.bleah.sucks BIG time.
class position: 27/42
though i improve but still it sucks!
dammit.bye-bye,2/3 & 2/4 for me.
i hate myself so much!
i broke my heart..n besides that my mum's!
how could i ? well,looks like i just did.
she was so hoping for me to go to 2/3
(aka da BEST class) urghh.i hate da word 'best'.
my world is cracking because of it.
aniway,which mum wouldnt want her child to
be in da best class,right? -.-
im just a freak who loves breaking hearts.
wads with me,man? urghh.

i wonder?
when we got da results,some peeps
cried and were really in a bad mood.
looking at their results,i was way-WAY lower than them.
so why are they sobbing and muttering regrets
to themselves,while me having suckier marks
am neither crying but instead laughing
my hearts out cracking up jokes ?
dont i have a heart at all?
dont i like feel anything?
i wonder?
or am i just not sensitive enough?

i told this to PT n she just give me a 'good' sign
smiling,i just nodded my head.
giving a sign of being as positive as i can.
i guess its just my nature,huh?

my nature of not liking
to show my inner feelings and thoughts.
no matter how happy or crushed,i may be.
i dunt know why.
but i just dunt like to tell anyone my secrets,my problems
i guess i feel more secured that way.
its not that i dont believe my friends,
but its just that...its hard to explain.
i wonder? if i cry like one hell of a freak,
will the teachers give me any more marks?
definitely,a no.so why would i be crying?
what is done,cant be undone.
so what the heck the crying is all for?!
but still, its true what people say
sometimes crying can be the best medicine.
you'll never know.

failing.
(urghh.i so hate da word.)
when i was in pri school,
failing has never occured to me.
but only once that is when i was p5.
it was my first time in history that i failed my science
by a mark.i still remember.i cried
uncontrollably as my mum and sis taunted
me with all those poisonous words.
at such an immature age of 11,
i cried,couldnt taking it.
it was the first time i ever felt a sharp blow in my heart.
only my brother was with me all the while.
only he (during that time) believed in me.
and he supported me all the way to prove them wrong.
i showed them.i worked like one hell of an idiot.
and God was fair.i got a shocking 86! a band1!
da greatest band1 in my p5 life.
it was somewhat like a miracle.
my classmates were pleasantly bewildered
with this great achievement.
thank you,brother.
for being there for me.<3

that was the first time i ever fail.
i promised myself a never failing,ever.
but HELL was i wrong.
secondary school life came and failing
comes nothing to me now.
its just a down-right hobby to me.
my heart doesnt sinks whenever i see a below-50 mark.
i felt as if failing is my second nature in life.
or isnt it ?
once again everytime bringing back such results home,
my mum and sis will start taunting me with
those hurtful and poisonous words.
i didnt cry like before.but do they know,
of the heart inside of me that's
bleeding and shattering into pieces,
every time those words are mentioned?
do they know how i ever felt having gotten such
wonderful results before?
do they know i hurt MORE than them?

these few days passed by.
my heart broke,shattered into pieces.
pieces that could not be placed back together.
even if it could,it wouldnt be da same.
my heart bleed profusely,looking at da
'whole-heartbreaking-results' i have gotten.
it bleeds still it couldnt bleed anymore.
still,i didnt even once cry.
i was strong.i believe that i should be.
i know i can do it.if i really look back and reflect
on the things that i have done.
i believes that failure comes before a success,
and i know if i can do it,i can!:)

-my motto for sweet 2006=)

who said lyfe's gonna be easy?
no one said its gonna be this way,too.

my world is craking..is yours ?
berhenti berharap..

-aiin // =)