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his small,little minah(NOT!) 
♥ ZURAIN;zoo-raa-intemasek poly; junior yr. pharmaceutical sci! :D :D SHORT,and happy with it.(: loud. laughs at every single little thing. chocolates,donuts and icecream make her smile like a kuku!:P loves her one,and only ♥ and oh, i am anti-veggies. ty (:
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Saturday, May 19, 2007
[ 09.05.2007 ] 15th birthday celebration with best buds =D
  -the super yummy birthday cake! (:  -wishes by them! (: [yz claims that she WROTE it! ha]  -our MESSY leftovers! *grins  -taken while i was cutting the cake!ha  -random  -family pic? lol ahh 4 of us ! =D okok.so i know its lyke too late to post on da lil celebration of my birthday by my buddies. (did i mention,in my beloved council rm? lol) but ohwell,better now den never! haah just wana thank them lots laa. fer da yummy cakee,presents && surprise! :D enjoy the pictures people! (:  yanzhen.sam.chiaxing. aka tsunami.bamboo.nameless (lol) best buddies one can ever have <3! love you guys to bits la! bff since '05. andand cx - bff since 2001 ! (= with love forever and ever , - zurain .x. AMAZON [: It has recently come to my attention of the fragility that I've held within myself. (please not another love letter, ain) but what have I got when my mind is out of ink? (you speak nonsense) and what of my hand? when the wrists starts to cramp; when the fingers start to ache? how do these letters get written to those few that could've been? the crippled, the heartbroken, the sad, the mournful. (could've been what?) oh, do not take me as regretful. because when I tell you that I once loved, I did. (puppy love, you oblivious moron) with what pen(cil) did I write my love story? on what parchment? with what handwriting?and what ink (if there was)? of what meaning all those factors mattered, satisfaction was far from earned. ---- when the ink she writes has deepened to the black that fits his (or her) heart. what am I to do but view? and her handwriting? what happens when each letter she paints curls and twists like her hair? have I any chance by then? (fight, you coward, fight) perhaps when I finally find myself with a friday night lamp, reading a love story, fingers aching, wrists cramping, mind draining, heart breaking. perhaps that is when I realize. adjectives and all. that I could've been. (but you're not) Thursday, May 17, 2007
Seems lyke life has caught me at my weakest. Life is so smart.Ensnaring me when I'm vulnerable,feeble,sad,worthless,beaten, stressed..I guess I'm no match for the inevitable. All these consequences that i knew would happen are barraging me all at once. They're wasting me away. I'm wasting me away.. How unfortunate it is that i entirely deserve them. My faulty actions have led me into dead ends and dark abysses. Sin has merged with what I thought could prevent it with.. Let them come,the effects of my wrongdoings..Let them come. So gracefully,so Smoothly,so Passionately,So...painfully. In not a so chim(difficult) term.. I've pretty much lost almost everything in just a day. & I've no one to blame,but Myself at the end of the day. I can't believe i actually broke down right after receiving the e maths paper. My heart broke lyke nobody's business. Everyone else was cheering,& there i was,invisible to the eyes,weeping silently. I couldn't believe how bad i had done.. considering the amount of effort & understanding i put into them..It's never enough. So tell me..What is? I've had 'wonderful' grades fer all of da papers that i received. I can't believe how weak i am,so as to having broke down several times in school. The empty toilet became my friends temporarily,& I received looks of confusion from the secondary One pupils who looked at how utterly destroyed i was when they walked past me. I totally blew it this time round. Enough said. Wednesday, May 16, 2007
through all this pandemonium & absolute wrecklessness.I somehow find the time to simply sit down & wonder.. just how much.. I miss you.. -the world is our canvas;we'll be the two whose lives had no story plot because we improvised it all the way. We were the artists of our own lives. 16.05.07 cannot you hear me whisper behind your back,just how much i love your laugh? a tragic happy ending
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
i really don't know whether im doing okay or not.lyke i think im going to be depressed once again. oh the tragedy.i hate being a bloody teenager whose mixed feelings are just getting to her. how to avoid it? hell,i don't know.i really wana try.but.. i've been hurting so bad.by almost everything arnd me. or maybe,once again im just being an insensitive jerk. oh what the hell. no more pms,please. i've enough of being 'emo' or whatever you call it. i just wana be me. just that,a little part of me is trying to change. because i feel so sick & tired of being myself. i just want to be more than who i am cos seriously i am one of da most boring people,on da planet Earth. i thought cutting my hair would help,i guess i was wrong. i feel lyke a 2year old girl who have just lost her dearest mummy and just wants to see another friendly face,that she knows. seriously i hate myself for that.anyone,willing to help? argh. i think i've just given up on myself. just another idiot with an identity-crisis. family? i really don't wana talk about it. never. just don't remind me about it. cos things are becoming even more complicated now. all i want is a simple lyfe.& i really wonder if that's so much to ask for. i am,no doubt,da most pathetic idiot too. i hate looking around,seeing people happy. be it,with their friends,family,or bfs.apologies fer being such a bitch,and a loser.just can't help it. i may look as if,im having a hell of a lyfe(a good one that is) but mind you,you don't know how screwed my lyfe is. just that im too good in the act of pretending. i just can't help wondering,how long am i going to last? love.misery yet a great splendour at the same time. an irony? well,you can consider saying that too. so,what REALLY is love? just a word that some hopeless romantics used to describe his feelings for someone? what about the other words that people throw into this world of lies? Fate, destiny, ambition, serendipity - the words that mean the most to me are the ones that hurt the most. i don't know whether i should feel glad or sad to be in love. cos it once used to be a fab thingy filled with memories. it once,took over my lyfe.completely. but now,its just a pain in the ass.& it just hurts.enough said. ive lost believing in guys and all.but the feeling's still there.. i can't help it,okay.lyke how im missing someone just very very much right now.but i really doubt,he's even thinking about me.yeah,im being naive,as usual. oh damn. i wana be cheerful.lyke i used to be. im trying very hard la okay.im even listening to Bowling for soup songs to get in the action & everything! tried to avoid from listening to sappy,sad songs which i used to listen and adore very much.my feeling's pretty weird. a little happy,yet a huge dosage of depression. something's way,way wrong with me! hey im doing okay. & Ill get back to you if you come back to me. - a tragic happy ending
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